In the past year, I've coached many high achievers in tech who all share a common feeling: they feel tired.
It’s a feeling I know all too well.
You’ve spent your entire life grinding on the “right” path, and you’ve been rightfully rewarded for it. You got the job title, the promotion, the raise. By society’s standards, you are crushing it.
Yet, you find yourself wondering — is this it?
You’ve worked so so hard — and yet, where you are no longer feels like enough.
In truth, it may have never felt like enough.
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It’s at this moment that people reach out to me. They yearn to feel inspired again, to feel purpose — but are unsure how.
Through these conversations, I’ve found that there are a few things that all high-achievers need to hear, which I’ll be sharing these with you over the course of the next month.
If you’re at a similar crossroads, here’s my first thought for you:
You probably know what you want. You’ve just lost the ability to hear it.
Over and over again, people like you tell me that they want to feel more fulfilled and excited. But when I ask them how they want to get there, their first answer is “I don’t know”.
But I know they’ve all heard the internal whisperings before.
Those whisperings were the wisps of your dreams and desires. But for you, it was never safe to listen to them. So you long ago learned to push these aside in pursuit of discipline, practicality, and “being realistic”.
Instead, you listened to the words of others. You followed what they said was good for your career and financial security.
And as a result, you lost your ability to listen to yourself.
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One of my clients was stumped. They had finally broken into product management (yes!), but as they was approaching the one-year mark, they just weren’t as fulfilled as they’d thought — even though this had always been their dream career.
“I just need to get a new job. That’s what’s going to make everything better.”
How? A new job would prove that they had the skills to be seen as a full-fledged PM. They’d feel competent, smart, and wanted.
So I asked them, “But what do you need from this new job to feel fulfilled?”
They paused.
“I don’t know.”
As we dug deeper, sifting through stories of when they did feel excited and fulfilled in the past, we realized something.
Deep down, they actually did know what they wanted. Once we voiced it aloud, it became crystal clear.
They wanted to create something that made people feel thought about and cared for.
So how did they not realize it before?
It was simple. Before, they had never felt like it was worth it to listen.
They had long ago written off their desires as fluffy and soft. What was more valuable was building strong technical skills — a belief they had picked up long ago from school, parents, and their community.
For it to feel worth it to listen, for it to feel safe to listen, their perception of the world had to expand.
They had to be able to see that their skills can be a strength, that their wants aren’t so abnormal, and that there are ways to make work what they want without sacrificing all of their safety.
And, they had to realize that listening doesn’t take away their ability to make a measured decision.
Only then would they be able to really listen to themselves and be okay with it.

All is not lost
Yes, you’ve lost your ability to listen to yourself, but the great thing is: self-listening is a muscle.
And like any muscle, even if you’ve neglected it for a while — you can get it back.
The process is not so different from physical therapy. You have to rebuild your neural connection with it, strengthen it, and finally, learn to fully trust it.
It takes time, patience, and a lot of reps.
And just like with PT, the work is worth it. Because when your self-listening muscle returns, you’ll find that you can move so much more confidently and decisively through life.
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If you want to learn how to hear (and trust!) what it is you actually want, please reach out! I coach people on this very thing — especially high-achievers in tech.