sunday scribbles: self-belief, pathfinding, and some new ideas

sharing actual half-baked ideas and asks in hopes of more conversation with all of you <3

Hello friends! I’ve officially returned from a 2 week vacation (Justin and I finally did our original honeymoon plan 2 years later 😅), and boy am I happy to be back.

While the break was nice, I gotta be honest, I had a hard time keeping my mind away from work. It floated into my mind when we had downtime and seeped into my dreams. When I woke up at 4am on Christmas Day because of jet lag, my mind just couldn’t stop racing. I knew I should try to stop, breathe, and embrace the pause, but instead, I got up and started writing.

Even thought I’ve been learning new ways to live and show up, that gogogo, high achiever mindset I’ve had all my life still exists. Maybe part of the journey is realizing that that tension between two schools of thought will always exist and learning how to work with it.

Okay that’s enough off-the-cuff musing. Without further ado, I present to you some of the other thoughts that came up for me this week.

From my personal life

• 💩 “I am generally confident in what I believe, but that also means that I’m really good at bullshitting myself.” That’s what my friend, who was an executive leader, told me after our coaching call. “It felt like you were holding yourself back, but when you finally did call me out, that was what I found really valuable.” I hadn’t realized until then how much I had been holding myself back. Because she was confident and articulate, I had hesitated to question or poke deeper. I had even gone in thinking of the call as her doing a favor for me (which she then told me it was because she thought she could get value too). That call made me realize that I can coach execs, but only if I believe I can. And that’s going to require me to see myself as a worthy peer to them first.

• 🏠 Jellytown? Or the cat cafe social club? I’ve been thinking about how to build upon the house events I hosted last year and further connect the people in my life together. My latest musing — what if we created a community identity? Rather than be “the scattered friends of Justin and Kelly”, would people be more inclined to become friends if they were all members of “Jellytown” or “The Cat Cafe Social Club”? Idea very much in progress — would love any thoughts/comments on this!

  

  some inspirational community gear

• ❓New year = new hobby….I’ve always hated things like improv, karaoke, being in the center of dance circles. But I’ve always thought it’s cool when people can really own it. So I’ve decided it’s time to work on my own confidence in my self expression… through dance classes! But I keep hesitating to actually look into it…eep. So got any dance class recs? Help me stay accountable by letting me know!

From coaching

• 🥾 But what if I should have gone down that path instead? A woman came to me this week because she was stuck between two paths. She had decided to become a program manager, but even though she loved her new role, she just couldn’t stop thinking about the product manager path she had left behind. What if this was the wrong step? What if because of this step, she couldn’t progress as far, couldn’t make as much money, couldn’t find another job? What if she had closed a door that would have assured her a better future?

  The thing is, she was actually only seeing part of the picture. Yes, right now these are the only two options in front of her. But there are so many more paths in her future that she doesn’t know about yet.

  The easiest way to recognize this is by looking at your own past. If I look at myself 4 years ago when I was a PM, I had no idea career coaching was a job. 1 year ago, I wouldn’t have guessed that coaching would be my next career move. Similarly, the her 10 years ago never would have guessed that she’d go from pharmaceuticals to tech.

  What opportunities might open up if you let yourself choose the path you’re most interested in now?

  

  if you just take a step forward into the unknown, what new paths might you discover?

• 🌤️ One set of facts, two totally different stories. I see this over and over again. A client wants to get a new job, but when they look at their resume, it just doesn’t seem good enough. Their company doesn’t move fast enough for them to have accomplished notable. They’ve been at their current job for too long and it looks wrong. That’s one possible story. But what might their story sound like if they believed they were worth people’s time?

  

  Same facts, totally different energy. And it’s all because of the way a person holds themselves, which is influenced by what they believe about themselves deep down. As much as we humans try to be objective and just look at the facts, we can’t help but be influenced by people’s energy. And that energy can make all the difference.

• 🧐 Idea: should I try out group coaching? I’ve been thinking of running a group coaching container to help people meet like-minded folks that they can learn from and grow together with. One idea is to create a small group for women in tech who are looking to take the next step in their leadership — growing their confidence, voice, and impact. Is this of interest to you? Just reply to this email and lmk! Or lmk if you have another group idea in mind :)

Recs

The pile of books on my bedside table grows…. but the amount of reading I’ve done has not 😭 Here are some of the books I’ve of thought of reading this next month — if any of them are of interest lmk! I’d love to read together :)

• The Pathless Path: Imagining a New Story For Work and Life

• How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community

• Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away

• The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power

Or if you have more fun book recs, I’d love to hear them. Please help me learn that not all reading has to be educational!!

—

And of course, the last day of the year requires a moment to pause and reflect. And wow, I’m ending this year feeling super proud. Proud to have taken a leap into a new career. To have worked on things that I deeply care about. To have shouted my thoughts and dreams from the rooftops.

And wow so many of you were there to respond. If I had to graph the number of meaningful conversations I’ve had by year, this year would by far be the highest 💫

And it’s only just the beginning. I’m so excited to see what more this next year brings, as I continue to learn to trust myself, take risks, and explore the unknown. Here’s to an exciting 2024.