You don’t need another framework
the problem with self-help books
This is pt. 2 in the series of “What I Want High Achievers to Know,” reflections after my first year of coaching high-achievers in tech. For pt. 1, click here.
As a self-identified lifelong nerd, whenever I came across a challenge in life, I always turned to books.
Especially self-help books.
I devoured the wisdom of Brené Brown, the frameworks of James Clear, and the anecdotes of Daniel Kahneman.
To me, information felt like power. The more I gathered, the more prepared, in control, and safe I felt.
But there’s a big problem with this approach.
Even though you might feel like you’re making progress, reading about how to solve a problem doesn’t actually solve it.
a client story
When this client first came to me, she was looking for tactics and frameworks to help her step up her leadership at her company. She had just been offered the chance to lead more projects but was given very little direction.
At first, our discussions around best practices for leadership, documentation, and running meetings seemed helpful. She was excited and even asked for more book recommendations and podcasts to listen to between our calls.
But when I checked in with her about how stepping up was going, she admitted that nothing had really changed.
What went wrong?
So, we ditched the books and turned inward.
That’s when we realized—though she already had the information she needed to step up, she didn’t want to apply it.
Why? Because she was afraid. Afraid of upsetting others, of rocking the boat. She was so focused on keeping everyone else comfortable that she couldn’t get herself to take the lead.
To move forward, we had to slow way down.
We explored what made upsetting others feel so scary and examined where that fear came from.
We stepped away from frameworks and took smaller actions, practicing things like speaking up a little earlier, or being proactive without asking for permission.
And we took our time to reflect on how each step felt before moving forward.
By the end of our work together, she was less fearful of conflict, more confident in her ability to lead, and no longer tiptoeing around her peers.
takeaway
If you look at the amount of information we learned, we definitely learned “less”.
But we learned it deeply, and the impact of that depth was profound.
So next time, instead of racing through yet another self-help book, consider slowing things down. Apply what you’ve learned in small, intentional steps.
That’s how you get the kind of growth that actually sticks.
Hi I’m Kelly and I’m a career + life coach. I help high-achievers in tech re-imagine and re-design their careers. If you want stop reading about growth and start making it happen, I’d love to chat :)
retweet. that's the comment.
Such a great example of how we can all drown in the self-help universe. More often than not, we have the information we need to make the decisions we need to move forward. Thanks for sharing this.